I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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