Will you blow on my dice?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
