this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
