My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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