we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
