Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
