you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
