I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
