did you get engaged???
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
