I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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