Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
