you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
