Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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