i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
