I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you had me at cake vodka
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
