I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
