I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
