so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
