Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
