woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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