Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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