the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
