Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize