I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
