She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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