I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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