When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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