Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
