Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
