Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
