Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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