what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Randomize
