I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
