i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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