literally had 100 drinks last night.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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