Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
