Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
