I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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