i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize