i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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