I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Come see our sink grown plant.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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