she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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