My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
