Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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