Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
