I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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