Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
