I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
