so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
