Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what day is it and did you see me today?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize