who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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