So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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