we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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