Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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