everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
