so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
