It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize