Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
