So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
