Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
