If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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