Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
