Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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