We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
