I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
