Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize