Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
