new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I deserve this hangover.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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