i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
