So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i will never coherently bang her
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
