did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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