Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
